


how couples are supposed to be

by crankyjones



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Benji's POV, Feelings Realization, M/M, just his thought during the thing, takes place during ep7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:20:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24826693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crankyjones/pseuds/crankyjones
Summary: "Suddenly, I realised why I didn’t want to accept what I inherently knew. Because realising it would make it real. And if it was real, it would have consequences."or: Where Benji realises his couple isn't as great as it seems on the outside. And maybe (just maybe) Derek isn't the only one to blame.
Relationships: Victor Salazar/Benji Campbell
Comments: 13
Kudos: 117





	how couples are supposed to be

We had a good day, Victor and I. It was nice to spend some time with him outside of work. It felt more…genuine. Less forced. Of course, if he didn’t want to talk to me, he just wouldn’t but, for the first time, it felt like we were friends who happened to be co-workers and not the other way around. And, truth be told, I have completely forgotten about the stupid machine until Victor’s phone rang and he told me with sad eyes that it wouldn’t be fixed tonight.  
I knew he’d feel that way. I mean, he was supposed to meet his girlfriend’s father, and instead he was stuck here with me. If I were to miss a date with Derek because of my job, I’d be pissed, too. Stil, I was happy he wouldn’t go. I didn’t know why exactly but, deep down, I just didn’t want this day to reach its end. I wanted Victor to keep trying on weird clothes that somehow looked good on him anyway. I wanted us to keep having fun, far from our lives back home—far from our responsibilities, our reputations, our images—far from our partners. I wanted us to keep being alone, because I felt like it was only during those times together that we were both finally ourselves. Or maybe it was just me. It was most likely just me. Obviously, Victor must’ve felt himself with Mia; otherwise, why would they be dating?  
_Yes, Benji, why would they be dating?_ Couples were supposed to feel comfortable around one another, they were supposed to be themselves, completely and utterly, because couple were supposed to accept one another’s personalities without complaining nor judging nor laughing. Couples were supposed to be that way.

I couldn’t help reminiscing on that for the rest of the day. Victor didn’t seem to notice something was off; or if he did, he didn’t ask me about it—which made me glad. Overtime I was with him, words flew out of my mouth without waiting for my permission. He was so easy to talk to, that I ended up telling him about my coming-out—something I very seldom spoke about—right there, on our bed. I probably shouldn’t consider this _our_ bed since, first of all, it belonged to a hotel, and second of all, Victor wasn’t even willing to sleep in it. He wasn’t willing to sleep next to me. Although I couldn’t be sure why, I couldn’t help thinking it was because I was gay and it made him uneasy. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t true. Victor just wasn’t like that, I was sure of it. But deep down, I also knew why I had kept insisting until he yielded. No matter how wrong it was. I just… I felt good around him. _He_ made me feel good. Calm, as though he were able to take every thought out of my head. Safe.  
To avoid realising what I had already figured, I went to sleep. I waited to feel Victor laying down next to me before closing my eyes, just to make sure he wouldn’t leave me, but I didn’t feel a thing. I waited, and waited, and waited, but the mattress remained completely still. Then, a hand covered my shoulder. _His_ hand. I froze under the touch, unsure of how to react to it. I let the heat of his fingers go through my shirt a little bit, and I turned to face him. Victor was looking at me, wide-eyed, and I felt something stinging my chest.  
Before I could say something, he was kissing me.  
And, before I could comprehend what was happening, I was kissing him back, my hand on top of his arm.  
I could feel him breathing against my lips as relief filled my body. Relief because I finally knew why he didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as me. Relief because he was finally answering all the questions which I forced to remain unanswered.  
Relief because, even though it was dark in the room, everything was clear—had never been clearer.  
I thought about how we could go on forever. Then, I thought about how eventually we’d have to come home, back to this twisted reality which I really, really didn’t want to come back to.  
That was when I stopped. _What was I doing? What was I feeling? Why—_  
I moved back, almost reaching the end of the bed. My skin screamed, in need of more, but my brain screamed louder— _WRONG!_ Victor had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend. What were we doing? What was wrong with him—with me?  
Suddenly, I realised why I didn’t want to accept what I inherently knew. Because realising it would make it real. And if it was real, it would have consequences.  
Victor seemed to understand just like I did as he left the room in a hurry, his lips muttering panicked sorries. I wanted him to stay and to stop apologising—but I didn’t tell him. I let him go, closing the door behind him. I was alone with my own thoughts, head in my hands.  
Maybe my couple wasn’t exactly how a couple was supposed to be, but I could make it better. I needed to make it better.  
And I would.  
Starting now.  
I needed to stay away from Victor Salazar. No matter how wrong that felt.


End file.
